Day #1047

8:20 AM: Mrs. O’Leary had her weekly call with her sister.

My suggestion is since we’re close to Halloween, that we watch the scariest movie I can think of, which would, of course, be… JAWS. And there’s another movie that I was thinking that maybe Rosie has never seen and it does have a slight Halloween theme towards the end, and that of course is… Thelma & Louise… And I’m thinking I’ll leave myself out of the vote and only let the guests vote. And you know what, if we have those two there, then we’ll at least be having fun in stead of getting the crap scared out of us.

No, I’m gonna keep it simple. I’ve got so much to do to prepare for hosting you gals. I’m just gonna order pizza. Salad? Who wants salad with their pizza?… Well, you know what Aunt Pat, if you want salad with your pizza, you’re gonna have to bring it yourself. I’m not gonna go through all that trouble with buying salad dressings… No. You can bring your own.

The reason I started thinking about this the other day! There’s this new documentary on HBO and it’s all about Stephen Spielberg. And I’m in the bathroom doing my routine and all of a sudden I hear the music… Boom boom boom… and I had to run to the couch to get my feet up off the floor. Even to this day, that music scares the crap out of me.


Day #988

12:04 PM: Roseanne Barr just leaned over my cubicle and said…

I was just on the phone with Wanda Sykes and we were talking about where we were gonna get lunch for her birthday and when we went to hang up, she said, “Okay, bye. Love you!” She called me back and said, “I’m sorry. I was thinking I was talking to my family. I got distracted and said that.”

But I told her, “You can say that as much as you want. We’ve worked together for 30 years, it’s about time we take this relationship to the next level.”

I asked how long Wanda Sykes had been working here.

She’s been here 5 years longer than me, so like 35 years. I think this is the only place she’s ever worked. I would KILL myself if this is the only place I had ever worked. At least I got to experience some other places. That’s how I know how fucked up this place is!

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Day #953

8:35 AM: Mrs. O’Leary is having her weekly call with her sister…

Well, that’s excellent. Now we really can have our Friday morning coffee talk!… So no surprise at all, Margaret tried to call me around 5:30 and I didn’t notice it until this morning… No surprise at all. And she just wants to know why we have to sign all this stuff… And of course I get this response and she was asking me all this questions and, of course, I had no idea myself, but I explained that Mother’s eight heirs all need to sign off on returning this one asset to the bank… Oh, right! Except himself, because he’s the lead authority on absolutely EVERYTHING.

When she added me to a joint checking account, that’s mine. That money is under my name and my name only. I’m under no legal obligation to give one red cent to anyone and that’s exactly what I’ll say if they put up a fuss.

Steve owes 500-something for the new pair of glasses I bought for him last fall. The new pair, and how many has he gone through since then? And then Jerry took the $1,000 when he had the issue with his car.

If Jim wants to be an ass about it, which of course he always chooses to be, guess what? I’ll keep her share.

Yeah, so I guess I gotta get the dust rag out and take out the cleaning stuff. I gotta start kickin some ass and takin some names.. We’ll see how far I get when we have our coffee clutch next Friday.

Day #937

9:03 AM: Grace is having issues connecting to Outlook on her computer. She asked me to submit an IT request on her behalf. Now, the new IT guy is at her desk trying to walk her through the issues…

IT Guy: Hi, how are you?

Grace: I’m good! Except for this technical issue!

IT Guy: Okay, let’s try logging in to the web portal.

Grace: Okay.


Grace: I just need you to tell me how to do that.

IT Guy: Oh. You don’t know?

Grace: Nope.

IT Guy: Okay, no one told you?

Grace: Well, maybe I do and I just don’t know it in those specific terms.

IT Guy: Okay, go to

Grace: M-I-C…

IT Guy: No. Not there. Put it up there.

Grace: I was putting it up there.

IT Guy: No, you were putting it in the search bar.

More conversations happen as the IT guy goes back and forth from Grace’s desk before he came back…

IT Guy: Okay, before you put your password in there, do me a favor. Open Notepad.

Grace: Open Notepad.

IT Guy: Yes.


IT Guy: Click Start, now type in “Notepad.” There you go. Now type in your new password… Okay, now copy and past it into the password field.

Grace: Wow! There it is!

IT Guy: Yeah, sometimes people are convinced they’re typing their password correctly, but they don’t realize there’s a mistake.

Grace: I guess I was just one letter off! Thank you!


Day #925

8:15 AM: It’s Friday morning, which means it’s time for Mrs. O’Leary’s weekly coffee chat with her sister…

What time is it Aunt Paula?!… I guess it’s about that time!… You know I’m happy too. It’s been too hot and too dry… So, what’s goin’ on?… Where was it at?… MMMMMM…

Did you hear that the State of Illinois is being expelled from the Powerball?!… YES… They’ve gone too long without a budget, so they can’t even make the payments… And you know what? GOOD. Too bad… I was gonna say. Drive to another participating state. Don’t buy ’em here in Illinois… My dreams have been dashed once and for all… Heh heh… If I were so inclined, I could send Kathy money every week to buy them up in Wisconsin… I don’t know how often she’d be willing to traipse into town for that…

You know, I was thinking about going over to get my hair cut. It’s only been like a month, but it’s growing like a weed!



Day #918

8:32 AM: Mrs. O’Leary’s phone rang and she answered with a joke…

What if I said you were to late???… Hahahaha…. That would be shattering, wouldn’t it?… Oh. My. Stars. She’s 27? Where does the time go?…

I read about one today with that Brian Cranston… He’s the one that was in that show Breaking Bad and I just loved him in that show. And I think that Jennifer Garner is in it too…

Then there’s another one, one of those spooky-scary-haunted movie that takes place in some spooky-scary-haunted woods. I gotta take a pass on that one… A movie with Sam Elliott? I don’t know anything about it.

It is Friday, Aunt Paula. And it’s payday, so I’m very happy about that. And it’s casual day here today too. We also have casual Fridays most days. That I also like very much…

Day #914

11:25 AM: Grace made a phone call.

Hi. My name is Grace and I’m calling for my husband. He had a prescription for Lyrica, which he got from Dr. Davis, who I understand is no longer with the clinic. He recently saw the new physician’s assistant, but she didn’t renew the prescription and he really needs it urgently because he’s starting to get the tingling in his feet.

“Honey, you better call up the doctor. I’m gettin’ the ol’ tingly foot again.” Continue reading