Day #902

8:05 AM: Roseanne Barr is taking some time off over the next week and told me this morning, “I woke up this morning and said ‘Please God just let me get through whatever bullshit I have to get through to have these days off.’ And because I’m taking time off, that means I only have to deal with Asshole for three more days.”

Her boss’s last day is June 2 and she is ready for him to leave…

“I almost want to tell him on his last day, ‘You think you’re so great and that everyone loves you, but you’re not my friend. I don’t want to keep in touch after you leave. You and I will never have anything to do with each other after this.'” 

8:52 AM: Grace walked in to Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin’s office to ask for guidance on something. She was so loud that Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin apparently made some type of signal for her to speak more quietly because she said, “I’m sorry. Am I talking too loud? I was raised by a grandmother who had hearing loss, so sometimes I get a little carried away.”

9:03 AM: Roseanne Barr’s cell phone started to ring at her desk. She wasn’t sitting there, so I walked over to mute the phone in her absence. From across the office, she shouts…

Roseanne Barr: Is that my phone?

Me: Yep. I ended the call.

Roseanne Barr: Good. I never get calls. I never use that thing. Who the hell is calling me?

Me: It was an unknown number.

I walked back to my desk and Phyllis had some commentary…

Phyllis: So musical!

Carson Kressley: What’s that?

Phyllis: The ring tone! It was quite musical and upbeat.

Carson Kressley: Yeah, at least it wasn’t some obnoxious honking music. Or loud rap music or something.

In what world would Roseanne Barr have “loud rap music” as her ringtone on the cell phone she never uses?


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