9:09 AM: Wanda Sykes got a new boss two months ago. The new boss recently instructed Wanda Sykes and her finance teammates to keep track of their activities every day. They are to create a spreadsheet showing every thing they do each day, along with start and end times.
Roseanne Barr is pissed about this development. “When they ask you to do that, you know you’re in trouble. People are going to start getting fired.”
10:31 AM: Phyllis, Grace and I are talking about various inappropriate relationships. Phyllis’s 23-year-old daughter was apparently being sexually harassed by her 18-year-old high school students.
Grace chimed in to say, “My son was 16 when he asked us if it was bad to date a 13-year-old girl from his school and we said ‘YES!’ We told him, ‘It’s not the age gap that matters, it’s where the age gap falls.’ Of course… this is the same guy who was dating a woman in her 40’s when he was 24. Thankfully that didn’t last.”
1:05 PM: Phyllis and Grace are talking about the weather…
Phyllis: I’m missing Mister Sun.
Grace: Me too!
Phyllis: I just wish we could get on with summer.
Grace: Maybe we can all gather around my lamp here.
Phyllis: I need some Vitamin D!
Grace: I don’t know if you get Vitamin D from a light bulb…
Why don’t you lick your finger and stick it in the socket and maybe you yourself can become a Vitamin D light bulb.
3:48 PM: We were heading in to our biweekly team meeting and Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin noticed the conference room we had reserved was occupied, so we went into a different conference room. This is the second time we’ve had a conference room dispute in a week. As we were sitting down, Grace said to me…
Grace: So, I guess this is becoming our conference room of choice, huh?
Me: Well, we were scheduled for Conference Room B, but there’s someone in there I guess…
Grace: That’s okay. Conference Room C is just fine. C for Communications!
Me [Under my breathe]: This is Conference Room A.