Day #859

7:51 AM: I caught up with Roseanne Barr to find out what I missed while I was gone…

Roseanne Barr: Were you here for the news? My boss quit. Well, he gave two months notice…

Me: Oh, that’s awesome! Congrats. You’ve been waiting for him to leave for a while, right?

Roseanne Barr: Well, that part is good, but now they’re saying they probably won’t replace him. So we’ll have to work more with the consultants, which will slow everything down. And I’ll probably have to report to the CFO now, which sucks because she’s such a bitch…

Me: Oh, right. She looks down on everyone who isn’t a Director-level.

Roseanne Barr: Exactly. So we had this meeting and she’s telling us that we have to copy her on everything we send to our Director before he leaves. And he comes over to me and is telling me what I might have to take on once he’s gone and I’m like “Whatever, dude. You’re leaving. I don’t give a shit what you have to say or what you think will change once you’re gone. You’re outta here.”


8:10 AM: Roseanne Barr had to retrieve a laptop from her boss’s office…

I had to go to his office to get this laptop. I was sitting in his office Friday and he said “I’m out Monday. Can you stop by and get this laptop Monday morning and set it up?”… And I’m thinking “Dude, why the fuck do I need to come pick it up Monday? I’m standing in your office right now. Can’t I just take it?”

So I go into his office to get the laptop and I notice on his little bulletin board he’s got my home phone number. When I moved houses 2 years ago, I didn’t update my employee record. So they didn’t have my home phone number anymore and I didn’t tell them because I don’t need calls when I’ve got the day off…

But one day, I was out on a vacation day and he asked Wanda Sykes for my number and she gave it to him, that bitch. I always give her shit about that. So anyway, I see he’s got my home phone number on the Post-it on his wall, so while I was in there, I just took it off and threw it in the garbage. He has no need for my number anymore.


2:45 PM: I was walking back from lunch when I ran into one of the IT guys outside of Starbucks…

Holy shit am I glad you’re back, man… I was sitting there last week getting request after request from Grace and thinking “Why the hell is this so much worse than usual?” and then I realized you were out of the office…

I even asked Roseanne Barr how long you’d be gone and she said a week and a half and I just thought “Fuck.” Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin was making requests too…

As annoying as it is, each one of those requests is something I get to put in my weekly report, you know? I send it directly to the CFO now that our boss is leaving and I just wrote over and over again…

Helped Grace with this issue. Repeatedly.

Helped Grace with this issue. Repeatedly.

I had six bullets on there of helping her with stupid shit.


3:09 PM: Roseanne Barr brought in a tray of delicious S’mores bars today. I complimented her on them and she said, “Thanks. The vending machine in the kitchen is broken again and it’s giving out free candy. So I got the rest of the Hershey bars from the machine on Friday and used those to make this.”


3:55 PM: It was silent until Phyllis spoke up…

I like the name of places in Texas… I just got an email from a guy who lives on Bee Cave Road. And there’s another guy from Bachelor’s Grove. These names are very descriptive.

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