Day #812

8:12 AM: It’s foggy outside today. Phyllis walked in and told Grace and me, “I saw a young Chinese woman walking with one of those face masks on. I wonder if she thought this was pollution? I wanted to say, ‘Nothing to worry about! It’s just water in the air!'” 

10: 42 AM: Roseanne Barr came over to me with an ear-to-ear grin and said “Big trouble!… My boss sat on the conference call invoice for months and never paid the bill and he finally signed the invoice, but the Finance Department just sent the check yesterday, so they cut it off! And there’s a Board meeting in there tomorrow! With no phone! Now I’ve got to try to get them to reconnect it.”

It was very clear that, although it was her task to have the line reconnected, she’d much rather see her boss suffer.

10:58 AM: Carson Kressley came back to his desk from the kitchen bearing great news…

Carson Kressley: There is a full breakfast spread in the kitchen.

Phyllis: What are we talkin? Muffins? Bagels?

Carson Kressley: No! It’s actually toast, eggs, bacon, a very hearty breakfast.

Phyllis: On a warm day like this? Who wants all of that?

Carson Kressley: Well, there were people heading in with plates, so if you want something, you should go grab it.

Phyllis then grabbed a plate and bolted. Who wants all of that on a warm day like this? Phyllis does.

11:05 AM: Carson Kressley came back with his own plate of food to inform us that there was just a limited amount of food left and also to pass judgment on all of the people in the kitchen who are taking more food than he has deemed appropriate. “They are scooping food into Tupperware and tins and plates and just emptying those big trays of food. It’s unbelievable to watch.” Then he made a series of munching noises as he mocked his colleagues who enjoy free food as much as he does.

3:58 PM: Free food update…

Carson Kressley: There is a big bowl of fruit in the kitchen if you’re interested.

Phyllis: Oh, really?

Carson Kressley: Yes. It’s a good selection.

Phyllis: This should be a filling three days while our Board is here and we get the leftovers.

Carson Kressley: If the vultures don’t get it first.

Bitch, you’re the first person to run to the kitchen when there’s free food.

Phyllis: Well, maybe we’re better off looking for it in the afternoon after they’ve had a chance to fill their leftover containers. There will be more for us at the end of the day.


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