Day #783

8:01 AM: Today is a big day for Grace. She is charged with setting up an entire video shoot and then filming an interview with the President of our Board. Knowing she had a fancy meeting, she put on her Tuesday finest – her purple turtleneck and long grayscale leopard print sweater, which she wears open so it can flow as she walks. 

Phil Dunpy’s Lame Cousin always gets very worked up about these things, so it seems he’s anxious about putting his trust in Grace…

Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin [at precisely 8:00 AM]: Okay, are  you ready to set up?

Grace: Yep! I think so!

Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin then bolted off towards the storage room. He’s got a job to do. Meanwhile, Grace slowly turned around, fiddled with the wrapper of a breath mint, and then told me, “I had garlic last night and it’s still hangin’ on me.”

8:24 AM: Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin came to me and asked, “For my own sanity, can you please come downstairs and spot check Grace’s video shoot set up?”

She was only about halfway through the process when I got there and was struggling to find a bag of cables that were exactly where I told her they would be.

She couldn’t figure out why she was only getting audio on the right side, so she fiddled with the audio settings before I pointed out that she hadn’t plugged the headphones in all the way.

She had set up the lights too high so they were lighting the green screen and the ceiling, but not the chair where our President will be sitting.


8:51 AM: Phyllis and Carson Kressley are having a deep conversation about coffee…

Carson Kressley: I am having a fundamental shift.

Phyllis: Oh, really?

Carson Kressley: Yes. Towards coffee.

Phyllis: Maybe it’s a winter thing?

Carson Kressley: I don’t know. I’m becoming a coffee person.

Phyllis: I saw an ad for a Flat White at Starbucks and I was thinking I might try it…

Carson Kressley: What’s in it?

Phyllis: Well, it’s got two expresso shots in it…

Carson Kressley: So it’s a strong drink?

Phyllis: Okay, I looked it up here… Let’s see… It’s a sweet… ri-stet-to expresso shots?

Carson Kressley: What does that mean?

Phyllis: Well, it says it’s an extra ri-stret-to shot, which means it’s bolder than a regular expresso. But it says “the perfection doesn’t end there! The perfectly steamed milk requires a lot of extra attention…” Perfection? I took the lid off of mine and it was just a mess. Maybe my guy was new.

Carson Kressley: Maybe Starbucks isn’t the right place to try it for the first time. Maybe you should go to a higher quality coffee shop. Which reminds me, I don’t like this little coffee shop around the corner. I feel like when I walk in they’re always talking to each other. It’s like, “Am I bothering you?”

When Carson Kressley walks into any room on his New England high horse, he’s sure to bother whoever is already in the room.


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