Day #749

8:45 AM: Phyllis is frozen. She got in, stripped off all her layers and said “I’m gonna sit here with my toes next to my little space heater under my desk.” Next time Phyllis does me wrong, I’m going straight to HR to report her contraband space heater.

9:03 AM: Carson Kressley arrived 30 minutes late and said…

Carson Kressley: You know what I noticed? There are no Christmas decorations in the lobby this year. Usually during December, I can walk in and see a little Christmas tree on the coffee table in the lobby, then one on the little end table at the end of the hall, but there’s nothing this year.

Phyllis: Maybe they threw them all out when they cleaned the storage room earlier this year.

Carson Kressley: Maybe. This is already a horrible week.

Phyllis: I know. I feel like, by the time I get in to the office I’ve already worked a full day.

Carson Kressley: It was just terrible today.

These people aren’t cut out for winter.

10:43 AM: Carson Kressley came back to his desk from the kitchen and Phyllis had news to share…

Phyllis: The word of the year for 2016 is surreal.

Carson Kressley: I’d say that about sums it up.

Phyllis: Well, there are also these other runners up. Puppy was the runner up.

Carson Kressley: Puppy? As in a dog? Or are there meanings we don’t know about?

Phyllis: No, puppy as in a baby dog. Also flummadiddle and fascism.

Carson Kressley: Flummadiddle? What in the world does that mean? I’ve never heard it.

Phyllis: Me either! Maybe it was in a popular movie or something? I don’t know.

Carson Kressley: I wonder if puppies were being searched because, you know how when you and I were talking about how the world is messed up and we should just look at puppies or something else to make us happy?

Phyllis: Well, I’m reading a Huffington Post article saying “sadly, puppy isn’t the word of the year.” Okay, now I’m down a rabbit hole. I’m looking at National Puppy Day. And now a link for pictures of the cutest puppies. Which breeds have the cutest puppies?

Phyllis’s voice faded into the background as she started her descent to a puppy-filled oblivion…

3:45 PM: Grace called her eye doctor to schedule an appointment. After going back and forth on a few different dates and times, she said, “Well, I wouldn’t be able to do it then. I’ve gotta kind of hold down the fort here at the office.” Um, excuse me? What fort are you holding down? The only purpose you serve here is to ask stupid questions of your colleagues.

4:03 PM: Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin is on vacation through the end of the year. Grace knows this, but won’t let that stop her from giving him a call with a stupid question. She asked him about a particular talking point, which goes through our DC lobbying staff every time every time without fail. To no one’s surprise, Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin told her to call the Director of our lobbying staff. She left him the following voicemail…

Hi George. I’m working with our incoming Board President Stan on a presentation. He was a little confused on amendment 13. We have amendment 13 in our presentation now, but he was thinking maybe we should include amendment 15 instead. Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin recommended I reach out to you to get your input.

I talked to Susan and she said she thought maybe they would have talked about 13 instead of 15 because 15 would be too confusing, but we should include 15 anyway because that’s what Stan wants to include. So that sums it up.

That would have been more than enough information to get a call back from one of our colleagues, but she went on…

It’s a little after 4 my time, so you’re probably already out of the office at this point, but you can feel free to call me. I will be in the office tomorrow. Or you can email me at [First Name], [Last Name] @… Oh! Excuse me, I was about to give you my personal email address. You can email me at [First Initial], [Last Name] @ [Domain Name]. Ok, thanks!

Why she felt the need to spell out her entire email address when she has emailed this same man at least dozens of times is beyond me.




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