Day #704

8:15 AM: Grace tried to turn on her desk lamp. There was a bright flash…

Grace: Oh, darnit. My light bulb blew.

Phyllis: Is that one of those light bulbs that are supposed to last 30 years or something?

Grace: No, it’s one of these old fashioned ones. My father-in-law lived in our house before we did and he used to do this thing where he would pay ComEd an extra 25 cents on every bill and they gave him as many light bulbs as he wanted, so he would stock up on them and we’ve got this huge box left over from him. Full of these light bulbs. I know they’re not “economically friendly” or whatever you want to call it, but we’ve got to get through all these light bulbs!

Phyllis: Well, it’s good you’ve got so many! They’re hard to find these days. In my house, we have these 60-year-old light fixtures and if we try to use these new bulbs, they just melt.

Grace: Oh, really? I’ve never heard of that.

Phyllis: Yep. These old light fixtures just pump in so much power that the light bulbs melt. I wouldn’t feel safe leaving them on in my house if I left the room or something. Who knows what would happen.

8:35 AM: Grace’s cell phone rang. Full volume. Loud as can be. She looks at it, says. “Oh dear. Who is this? I don’t know you.” and declined the call.

9:10 AM: Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin came to tell Grace and Phyllis, who both take commuter trains, that they should plan ahead for their commute this afternoon…

Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin: You two may want to think about leaving a little early to get on your trains. With all the people downtown for the parade, it might be hard for you to get on.

Grace: Okay, thanks. I take a 4:47 train, so I’ll probably leave little earlier than usual.

Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin: Good idea.

Grace: Speaking of leaving early, would you have any objection to us dipping out in the afternoon to see some of the parade and rally?

Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin: Uhhh… Yeah….

Grace: You know, this only happens once every 100 years!

Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin: Right. Right. I would say maybe you guys could take up to an hour and a half for lunch instead of your usual hour, but anything more than that would be in the half-day territory…

Grace: Okay, great! I’ll probably try to swing over there to see what I’m able to get a glimpse of!

Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin needs to read “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.” If you give Grace an inch, she will ask for a mile and also a free Diet Coke.

9:54 AM: Phyllis’s daughter is attending the parade. She is sending reports to her mother from the parade route…

Phyllis: I’m getting reports from my 22-year-old daughter from along the parade route… She is disgusted by the high school kids. They’re apparently just chugging vodka.

Grace: Yuck. Even at my worst, chugging  vodka at 9 AM just never sounded good.

I would pay good money for footage of Grace at her “worst.”

Phyllis: During Lollapalooza, I was walking to work and I saw this teenager on the street. He was just sitting on the steps there and once I got closer I realized he was just vomiting.

Grace: Disgusting.

Phyllis: Well, there’s that McDonald’s so they buy the super huge things of soda and just fill them up.

Grace: You only hope they live long enough to look back and think, “Why the hell did I do that?”

Listening to these conversations between Grace and Phyllis make me want to go to McDonald’s, buy a super huge thing of soda, and fill it up…

10:34 AM: Phyllis walked back into the office after going to Walgreens across the street…

Phyllis: Well, I just saw Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin leaving the office with the entire legal team all decked out in Cubs gear.

Grace: WHAT?! That sneak!

Phyllis: So if you went to watch the parade, it seems like there won’t be anyone here to notice if you’re gone.

Grace: Well, I might just go ahead and go then.

Phyllis: I was at Walgreens down the street and saw a couple of middle aged guys walking out and saying “They don’t sell liquor. Let’s go somewhere else.”

Grace: Yeah, right about this time is when I go to 7 Eleven to get my drink, but it was so crowded in there that I decided I didn’t even need it today.

This parade is upending everyone’s lives. Grace can’t get her drink. Phyllis was appalled that middle-aged men wanted to day drink. Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin has abandoned his post. Lemme see if I can just stream some Netflix while I sit here for the rest of the day…

12:50 PM: Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin has returned after being gone for 2 hours and 20 minutes. If we’re suddenly allowed to spend 2 hours and 20 minutes at lunch, I guess I’ll be spending my lunch break at the 1:05 showing of Trolls. 

1:16 PM: Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin is on cloud nine. He came over to tell Phyllis, “You know you married a good girl when you go down to the rally and you text her a few pictures from the rally and she texts back ‘AWESOME!'” Then he chuckled to himself for a good, long while.



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