Day #703

8:26 AM: Grace, who is supposed to work from 8-4:30, just arrived.

8:30 AM: Phyllis came in excited about the Cubs win last night. She looked at Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin and asked “Don’t you wish you had stock in coffee today?” LOL BECAUSE EVERYONE’S TIRED!

9:05 AM: Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin, also excited about the Cubs win, doesn’t seem to be in the mood to work today. He came over to my desk and said…

Just a quick moment to talk about business… because we both know what today is really going to be about…

Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin is going to be in his office watching videos from the World Series game all day while he sings “Go Cubs Go” to himself.

12:39 PM: Grace and Phyllis are talking over the cubicle walls and Grace has somehow managed to have food in her mouth for the duration of this conversation.

12:55 PM: Roseanne Barr popped her head over my wall to share some pretty gruesome news…

Tomorrow is my 29th anniversary working here. Can you believe that?… Keep in mind, as much as it sucks now, it used to actually be fun. People really enjoyed working here. And they put 13% of my salary into my pension. I didn’t have to contribute anything. That’s just what they contributed. So when our new CEO came in, he hated that. Said we needed to cut it immediately. So now they switched to this 401K and I have to contribute if I want anything. So I contribute 1%. I’m not going to live a long life anyway. I say that all the time. I don’t have kids. It’s just me. What am I going to do? Put money in an account for my nephews? They’re not my kids!

29 years. That’s before I was ever even conceived.

3:24 PM: We received an all-staff email from our technologically inept HR Director allowing us to wear Cubs gear tomorrow…


When she says “We did it!” I think she’s talking about the fact that she figured out how to copy and paste a watermarked picture from Shutterstock and embed it in an email. She’s not a sports fan, but this… this is an accomplishment.

4:06 PM: Phyllis is talking with Grace about social media and dropped this bombshell… “Here’s the thing, I’ve never been on this In-sta-gram, but my 85-year-old dad is!”


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