8:14 AM: America Ferrara moved to the other side of the office weeks ago. Today, Phyllis finally worked up the nerve to steal the chair from her empty office. Office chairs are of a higher quality than cubicle chairs. Phyllis apparently feels entitled to an office-level of comfort.
8:19 AM: Grace, once again, proves herself to be without grace. Grace got back from Canada on Monday and Grace is screaming about it to Phyllis.
“WE TRIED TO MAKE IT TO THE TOP OF MOUNT ROYAL, BUT OUR KNEES WOULDN’T LET US.”
Phyllis’s echoed those concerns. Her daughter wants to take her to Italy, but “my knees won’t let me get up those steep hills!”
8:22 AM: Grace treated us all to a very loud blowing of her nose and then took a sharp inhale, followed by a giggle, and said:
“I blew my nose and at first, I thought my nose was bleeding and I was a bit worried, but then I realized it’s just my lipstick!”
9:24 AM: Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin came over to my desk with a real tough question…
Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin: I need to put a picture of the cover of this digital magazine in a PowerPoint. Are you able to help me with that?
Me [Pulling up the magazine on my computer]: This magazine?
Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin: Yes, that’s it. Are you able to get me that image, or should I request it from the graphics department?
Me: I can do it.
Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin: Okay, and that won’t take too long? Would it be more efficient if I asked the graphics folks?
Me: No. Taking a screenshot is a pretty quick process.
Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin: Okay. And you know the size of pictures in our PowerPoint presentations. Size-wise, will this be the right size, or should graphics resize it?
Me: You can resize it yourself in PowerPoint the way you do with the other pictures.
Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin: Okay, so I’ll click Insert>Picture>Choose the photo and then I can resize it?
Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin: Great. Thank you.
This is the same man, who when he asked me to open a Word document and I clicked My Computer to open the file in the folder, he said, “No, it’s a Word doc. You’ll want to open Word.” With my jaw hanging open, I said, “I’ll be able to get to Word by accessing it through here…”
10:42 AM: Grace broke the peaceful morning silence with a brash, loud opinion…
Grace: You know, I like Bob Dylan, but do you think he really deserves a Nobel Prize?
Phyllis: I heard that! They’re playing his songs all over the classical radio station I’m listening to.
Carson Kressley: You know, I just don’t understand. Literature?
Phyllis: Literature??? He won in Literature?
Phyllis: Wow. I don’t get that. Are his lyrics considered poetry?
Carson Kressley: Apparently…
Now they’re all singing different Bob Dylan songs and I want to scream, “You wanna hear REAL poetry???” and start playing Adele.