Day #667

8:15 AM: Grace is on vacation for a week, but she left with a bang. Before leaving the office yesterday, she posted a video to our company’s YouTube page. Problem is she used a stock image that she never purchased and instead left it in the video with a bunch of watermarks saying “Shutterstock.”

I told Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin and he thinks we should leave it there without correcting it because the video has been Tweeted three times and it’s got 50 views, “which is a lot by our standards.” 


9:28 AM: I told Roseanne Barr about Grace’s mistake and she told me I’m a saint for being so patient with Grace and Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin. Tempted to say “Oh, don’t worry. my readers will hear all about it on my blog.”


10:45 AM: Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin is delivering the news about the video snafu to Gordon Ramsay. I heard him tell the story and then Gordon Ramsay asked him to close the door. Brace for impact.


11:57 AM: Phyllis just answered her desk phone…

Hello… WHY?!… Noooooo…. Oh my gosh…

Based on her tone, it’s nothing serious. My guess: Her daughter called to tell her her infant granddaughter was having a bad day.


12:06 PM: Some people who work remotely in other cities are in office for a training. When they came in the office, they met up with their teammates and made quite the ruckus. They were hugging and laughing and generally disturbing the peace. Phil Dunphy’s Lame Cousin poked his head out of his office to see the cause of the commotion.

Roseanne Barr leaned over my cubicle wall with an evil grin and said, “I bet he thought it was me and my friends making all the noise. But it’s not me, it’s them! HA HA HA!”

12:55 PM: Phyllis has a question…

Carson Kressley, when I say “Oregon,” what kind of landscape do you envision?


12:57 PM: It was silent until Phyllis popped up with love to profess…

I love Google Earth.


IMG_7317.PNG3:22 PM: It appears Mrs. O’Leary has purchased a new lampshade for herself. She doesn’t drive, so she does most of her shopping during her lunch break. She’s spent the last 10 minutes delicately, but loudly covering the outside and inside of the lampshade with a Target bag and an exorbitant amount of Scotch tape.

Either she’s trying to protect this lampshade on her way home, or she forgot her umbrella and she’s using the lampshade for protection from today’s rain.


3:33 PM: Roseanne Barr heard the commotion from Mrs. O’Leary’s desk, turned around and asked…

Roseanne Barr: Do you need an umbrella?

Mrs. O’Leary: No, thank you. My jacket has a hood.

Roseanne Barr: Ok, I have an extra in my desk if you need it.

Mrs. O’Leary: I didn’t even bring mine today. Like I said, I have my jacket, plus I’ve got to lug this thing [nudging the lampshade with her foot] all the way home.

Roseanne Barr: Well, if you need to, you could just use that lampshade as an umbrella.

Mrs. O’Leary: I knew you were going to say that! But it wouldn’t work, [putting her face in the lampshade and looking through the hole] because it’s got this look-e-loo hole here on the top.

I’m thankful to Roseanne Barr for clearing that up for us. I am also thankful to have the image of Mrs. O’Leary looking through the hole in a lampshade.

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